Democratic and Republican Parties
Age: 193, 167
Occupation: the two-party system
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: keeping us in Afghanistan
graduating from high school this year,
were born in 2003 (2002 for the Young 5s
crowd), let me tell you what things were like
before you were born. Prior to you entering
this orb called Earth, cell phones were a
little different. They didn't have apps or
even access to the internet. Instead, they
were only used for making phone calls and
texting, though making a text message was
kinda tough because people relied on the
letters next to the numbers, making
abbreviations like "OMG", "BRB" and "WTF"
necessary. Many people still went to record
stores to buy music, though that was on the
way out thanks to faster internet and a thing
called "Napster". Ever hear of them?
people listened to artists like 50 Cent, the
now-incarcerated R Kelly, J-Lo, Eminem and
Nelly. Programs like the original American
Idol, CSI, Friends and The
TV and "The Lord of the Kings: Return of the
King" dominated theaters.
news story in 2003 was obviously the turmoil
between the US and the world, especially 9/11.
You weren't born yet when on October 7th,
2001, we invaded Afghanistan to stop the
Taliban from giving al-Qaeda a safe space to
operate. Obviously, you know why after a long,
miserable 20 years, we're stuck there because
of the events on 9/11.
remember 9/11 like it was yesterday. Back
then, I watched the dust and smoke rise from
the remains of the World Trade Center on an
old, heavy, boxy TV set that had a giant tube
in there. Remember those? Ever seen one?
Anyway, it was a scary day for everybody. I
fondly remembered gassing up my car because
there were rumors of an oil shortage from
9/11. It never happened.
One of my
fond memories of 9/11 was the fact that for a
while, people clinged on to president George
W. BusHitler like a sock on a sweater in a
dryer with no fabric softener. We supported
him. We loved him. We treated him like Jesus.
And then, it was off to Iraq.
the People started growing a brain. BusHitler
seemed to put Osama on the back burner and
whisked us all back to Iraq to finish the job
his dad started. "Fahrenheit 9/11" was
released and Michael Moore woke us up.
BusHitler had what it took to stop the
atrocity on 9/11 that killed nearly 3,000
innocent souls. But, surprise! His
predecessor, Clinton, also should have done
his best to stop it from happening, too. After
all, he allowed the Taliban to practice their
path of destruction on American soil.
Yes, we were
duped, as the old lady from 'F9/11' said. Both
Democrats and Republicans approved to get us
into these wars and 4,500 Americans and
240,000 civilians all died as a result. The
cost of the wars that were started? $2.4
trillion. In other words, almost 13 Elon
Well, the war
has raged on, though it's not as much headline
news as it once was. Yes, it's a war we've
forgotten even existed, though we captured
Osama and tossed him into the sea a decade
ago. A lot has happened since, making us all
forget that our troops are still over there.
On September 11, 2021, twenty years after all
this started, it will be over. The troops will
finally come home. Hopefully, for good.
there's those who are all crying that we've
lost the war since the Taliban - although not
as powerful as they once were - is still alive
and well. Some say that we're cowards for
leaving. The question is, why were we there in
the first place?
You see, this
is what happens when we have bad leadership.
OK, so Clinton left the White House without a
deficit. Great! It's too bad that he allowed
Osama and Co. to train on our grounds so they
could threaten us. He made it BusHitler's
problem and he slept on it. At the end of the
day, we all lost. Instead of choosing a true
progressive to bring this country back in
order in 1992, we elected someone who played a
sax on Arsenio and
didn't do a whole lot for American workers.
Maybe that's why when I was 21, I had to
choose from staying in northern Michigan where
I was probably going to be fired anyway or
work for an asshole who fucked me over for a
decade with lies, backstabbing and
gaslighting. Of course, Reagan deserves an
asskicking too because of him busting unions
and lowering taxes for the wealthy.
upcoming September 11, my fellow 18-year-olds,
you'll know what it's truly like to live
without war. Yes, COVID-19 is alive and well
still, but as long as we get our vaccine and
keep wearing masks, happy days will be here
again sooner or later.
In the great
words of John and Yoko, "War is over if you
want it". And yes, we want it ASAP.
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