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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday; Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Sunday morning on



Names: various
Ages: various
Occupation: various
Last Seen: northern Michigan
Bee-otched For: not listening to Big Gretch                                                              


Last week, progress was made.

Not exactly on the war against COVID-19, but some facets of the economy.

Michigan's curve against the coronavirus is flattening. Because of this, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer reopened most of northern Michigan and the entire Upper Peninsula. Now, restaurants are reopened to only 25% capacity and people are now required to wear masks if they're not at their tables. Effective today in the entire state, car dealerships and retailers reopened. However, they all must be appointment only. 

However, some businesses are trying hard to stop tourists from entering their establishments. Brady's Bar in Traverse City, est. 1875 has told the media that they will not allow anybody not from the Traverse City area in their building. With tourism being Traverse City's main industry along with farming, it will be difficult for many business owners to break even this year. But even with them trying to weed out tourists and others that might spread COVID-19, they all can't be perfect.

A few days ago, it was revealed that two new cases of COVID-19 in the Grand Traverse region were both from people from out-of-state. County health officials proclaimed that one of the two started feeling symptoms when they arrived in northern Michigan and is now at Munson Medical Center, Traverse City's sole hospital. The other person is now self-isolating at a closed hotel.

One of the warnings given to people traveling to northern Michigan is that the hospitals simply aren't big enough to handle a ton of COVID patients. As I've mentioned, Munson is the only hospital in northern Michigan that can do anything. The other hospitals only slap on a Band-Aid on your boo-boo. There was a grandiose reason for northern Michigan's reopening, and it's because there's fewer COVID patients than the rest of Michigan. Plus, the rural population allows for plenty of social distancing.

Or is it because Whitmer wanted to go on her boat?

Last week, Tad Dowker, the owner of NorthShore Dock, LLC posted on his personal Facebook page that Whitmer's husband, Marc Mallory personally called him to get his boat into the water before Memorial Day weekend. Problem was that Dowker was already behind schedule because of the shutdown and was already booked that weekend. Over the phone, Mallory exclaimed, "I am the husband to the governor, will this make a difference?"

Since then, many Republicans have accused Whitmer and the First Gentleman of elitism for not only wanting to cut in line, but breaking her own rules. Originally, the governor wanted people to stay home and not go to their up north cottage. However, with the stay-at-home rule now relaxed for Cadillac and all points north, Whitmer and family can boat all they want from their second home near Elk Rapids, an estate worth about $500,000.

If you're curious about how the Whitmer-Mallorys got their loot, Marc is a dentist while Whitmer has been in politics for over 20 years, starting as a state rep in 2000.

Since then, Big Gretch has sent her husband into the doghouse. During her press conference today, she proclaimed that his call to Dowker was simply a bad attempt at humor. She also proclaimed that they've been quarantining at the Governor's Mansion in Lansing, even canceling their daughter's prom and graduation ceremony. In her speech, Whitmer said that "My family has had men with automatic rifles standing in view of our front window outside of our home. We’ve read the vile things people have said and written in response to my Stay Home, Stay Safe order. My daughters have seen the likeness of their mother hung from a noose in effigy."

Now, as I've said, I didn't vote for Big Gretch in the 2018 elections. She's too far in the middle (I wanted Abdul El-Sayad to win), so I voted for the Green Party candidate, Jennifer Kurland. Granted, I did applaud her stay-at-home order in the beginning. However, I feel that it's important to have kept this state closed until there's nary a trace of COVID. True, the state only got 202 more cases from yesterday, the reality is that I do the math. Using this site, I calculate Michigan's total COVID cases subtracted by current cases. Then, I take that info and divide it by the days since Michigan's first COVID case, which was March 18. Then, I take the active cases and divide that by the answer to the last equation and it gives me the number of days before this COVID shit should end here in Michigan. I've been doing this for about a month now. On May 2nd, it was June 25. Then on May 9, it moved up to June 16, which brought on major progress. However, on May 16, it stayed the same. As of last Saturday, the last day moved up to June 20. 

Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it's because of all the fucking morons and their little rallies claiming that Whitmer and Co. are telling everybody that COVID is a hoax and this is their way of shutting America down. Newsflash: COVID-19 IS REAL. I PERSONALLY KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE IT. Granted, most COVID deaths are from poor immune systems. But, battling the disease itself is painful and is worse than the average flu.

Since outing Mallory for his weak sense of humor, Tad claimed that he was enjoyable over the phone. I will tell you that Tad and I used to hang out together growing up since he lived down the road from me. Plus, we graduated high school together. Even though I haven't seen him in 20 years, I'm friends with him on Facebook.

But still, I totally agree. This is not a good time for vacations. Stay home and if you need to go out, wear a mask. We need to get this shit under control before it gets worse again.

Stay home, stay safe, stay alive. That means you, Big Gretch and all of us downstaters.


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